When kids can’t solve their problem they get agitated feeling hopeless, and the only thing they can figure out in a respond is to throw a fit. Mainly because it’s working. When a child throw a temper tantrums is hard to ignore them, so in respond we come and comfort them or give into their demands for a peace sake. Wrong!
Live the room and ignore them, unless they can hurt themselves. They don’t like to throw a fit if they have no audience.
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Steve said,
March 28, 2010 @ 9:23 am03
Then what you are saying is like the question if a tree falls in the forest and there’s nobody around to hear it, did it make any noise?
forparentsofteens said,
March 28, 2010 @ 9:23 pm03
Well, I don’t see the relevance unless you are compering children to “mast make a noise if you a child”. Or, you mean like the tree: If I don’t allow myself to hear them then i will not. I agree, that it is important to respond to children effectively. In order to do that the parent must give a loving discipline. But how do you do that when two kids fight with each other and getting physical? How do you know what to do when they don’t want to do chores or follow your instructions. I know, take privileges away, but if there is nothing else to take? Than what?
Sliloh said,
March 29, 2010 @ 9:23 pm03
Sometimes ignoring may the best thing. But teenage years are more dangerous than they used to be, and teens aren’t 2 year olds, so I’m not sure ignoring would be the best approach. Hey, I’m glad I’m done with that stage.
Anita
forparentsofteens said,
March 30, 2010 @ 9:23 pm03
Well, I didn’t mean to ignore the children. However, when their behavior is inappropriate, disrespectful, and obnoxious then the parent needs to walk away, disconnect. This will discourage the child to continue and will give him/her a message that this behavior is not appreciated. You can’t get into confrontation in the heat of the moment, best thing is to disconnect. Later, when things are calm and the child is more rational, is a better time to talk about the situation and help the child figure out a better way to go about the problem.
Children with poor problem solving skills display negative behavior out of frustration. We as parents need to teach them how to solve their problems without “blowing out”.
This is very hard to do, I haven’t mastered that myself. Often, I forget about common sense and what I learned and get into confrontation with my child.
It is a learning process for everybody: the child and the parent. I have ordered a wonderful program call “Total Transformation“ whose author, James Lehman, devoted many years to the subject. I haven’t got the time to approach this program to the fullest, but I did listen to it in its entirety. The program is supplied in CD’s and workbooks. Also, there is online support where you can call and talk to their trained professionals. I am now studying this program again and going over each lesson the way they are designed to be. I can testify that this program works. It made a difference in my home already. But it is an ongoing process.
Sliloh said,
March 30, 2010 @ 9:23 pm03
Yes, I understand what you are saying. I just read too many crime boards I think.
Teens are ruining their lives over bad decisions made in the heat of the moment. Teaching them coping skills is number one for me. I did a poor job of that with my oldest daughter. I tried to fix everything for her instead of teaching her how. Still, she has turned out fine even if she has had to learn those lessons on her own a bit later. 
A good discussion here!
Anita
pleximus9 said,
March 30, 2010 @ 9:23 am03
OOOOOOOOO……. This is a slippery slope!
Every parent has their own style. I was a very easy going parent, and all the parents around me said I was wrong. My kids have grown up and are doing well. My oldest son is doing great and makes me proud with his life decisions. My daughter is an awesome singer songwriter. She plays piano and guitar and is in college to be a teacher. My son is in his first year of college and plays a mean violin and is a capoeira superstar. Capoeira is a form of martial arts.
My point is two families of their friends, who had children the same ages as my youngest 2 kids, grew up in fairly rigid households, they are not so good right now. Bad life choices, etc. I beleive if you love and interact with the kids as they grow up, that is the main thing. I know… I have gotten much opposition about my style, but it worked for me and my kids.
Enjoy these moments, kids grow in the blink of an eye.
PLEX
Sliloh said,
March 30, 2010 @ 9:23 pm03
Exactly the same for me Plex! I was a very laid back parent (in most ways). I think the biggie is to give your kids respect too.